Lelanophilus

It turns out that fruit leather is very hard to eat when your front teeth don’t meet. Sigh.

Link: Eating fewer calories than you use is the secret to losing weight.

Guess who participated in a 5K everybody!

Why, I did! Me! Lovable old Joshua! I ran in Midvale’s “Fun in the Sun Run”. It was pretty neato my friends.

I usually stretch for about twenty seconds before I go jogging, but I had thirty minutes to kill and everybody around me was stretching so I joined in and did some stretching as well.

There was a man telling everybody to stay to their right while jogging before we all began running. Somebody said, “What? Go towards the light?” Wiseacre.

Here I am beginning the race! Can you spot Joshua?

I found a nice, steady pace and kept at it through the entire race. I went faster than I ever have before and I suspect that the competition had something to do with that.

Men shouted out my time at the mile markers. The first guy shouted eight sixteen and the second guy shouted sixteen fifty. I wanted to shout, “No thanks, what else do you got?” I didn’t though because I didn’t think of it until about twelve hours after the race.

I was behind this lady for most of the race. She was crazy. She ran through sprinklers and had a man watering his lawn water her too even though it was ridiculously cold. Seriously though, I was sticking my hands into my armpits to warm them up.

Anyway, here I am smoking her and some old dude in the very last bit of the race. Notice the double thumbs up.

Can you believe how bored that guy in the chair looks? You can see the time. I’ll tell you that I got forty-first place. Not pictured is the eleven year old redheaded girl that totally beat me. I’m gonna say it was because she doesn’t have as much weight to carry around. I mean, I’m sure I’m a few pounds heavier than she is.

You didn’t know that they gave medals for forty-first place, did you? ACTUALLY, I got third place for my age group and gender. Yeah! I was lucky, really. The 25 to 29 group had about six guys that beat me. That ain’t gonna stop me from showing off my bronze bling, of course.

The best part? Running up to the finish line and seeing my little brother and my big sister and her family cheering for me! Andrew is a champ and I didn’t expect Emily to be there at all. She completely blew my mind guys! What a great family.

Well, anyway, the race was pretty darn fun. Maybe I’ll do it again sometime? Maybe!

I made another puzzle. This time for my brother Andrew. Apparently he likes pandas? When I was making it Andrew would come outside to see what I was doing and to bring me sammiches and I would yell at him and tell him to go away and that nobody wanted him around. I figured that by the time it was finished it would be appropriate to give to him so that he would love me again.

Forty-nine pieces.

I wish that I’d sliced that separate white block into four pieces instead of three. It would have made the pieces more consistent with the rest of the puzzle. It would also have given me an even fifty pieces. OH WELL.

Here it is completed. I stole the panda from the logo for the World Wildlife Fund.

Link: Support groups.

I had this thought while I was jogging.

What if I were at the gym lifting weights? The weights I’d be lifting would, of course, be pretty small. Maybe two guys would walk up to me and insult the teeny tiny weights I’d be lifting. They might say something like, “I’ve only seen girls and sissies lifting weights that small … and I don’t see any boobs.” To which I would reply, “Well I see two boobs right in front of me.”

Eh? See what I did there?

When I related this to Andrew he noted that they would then proceed to beat me up. So, as an addendum, when they realize that I insulted them most heinously and begin to advance with their fists ready to get all punchy, that is when I look past them, point, and say, “No really.” Then as they’re turning Andrew punches them both at the same time swinging his fists inward so that after their faces are smashed by his fists, they smush together all kissy like. After which, of course, Andrew and I say “fags” in unison, high-five and then carve us some gnarly pumpkins.

These are the proverbial good times, folks.

Link: Time to get ready for Halloween.

Classic, wooden jig saw puzzles are not made with jig saws. Whaaaat? I know. I’m as shocked as you. I guess a crude puzzle could be made with a jig saw, but if you want to make it like a professional you gots to have a scroll saw.

I was inspired by the amazing puzzles that Chris Yates creates. He calls them “Bafflers” and they are pretty neat.

To this end two weeks ago I purchased a scroll saw. I would have to say that I am a pretty satisfied consumer. I made my very first finished puzzle for Erin’s birthday. It is a map of the United States of America! Hay! Lookit:

I know the western states pretty well (okay, the FAR western states) but the eastern states are mostly a messy hodge podge. Where does Georgia go? Really, who cares? Some of the states were too small to cut out, so I just mushed ’em together. That explains why New York is so impressive.

I really like the colorful splay here. This was really fun to make and playing with it for just a couple of days helped improve my geography skills a great deal. I know where the shapes go, though I don’t know their names. Eh.

Link: I’m a meat powered knitting machine.