.: LELANOPHILUS.NET :.

At school yesterday I saw a girl out of the corner of my eye typing one-handed. I couldn't help turning and staring since hunt-and-peck typists are such an oddity to me. I mean, really, just spend twenty minutes learning how to type for reals.

She was actually pretty good at it, though, and had a sort of rhythm going. She would look at the screen then at her notes and then at her hand as it snaked its way around the keyboard. I was mesmerized by the smooth way she hit all of the keys with just her left hand and this is probably why it took me a few seconds to realize that she only had a left hand. Its mate was missing along with about half of her right forearm.

I quickly jerked my head away. In an instant I had changed from a rude bystander gawking at somebody's inability to learn touch-typing into a rude bystander gawking at somebody's making do despite a fairly debilitating handicap. This is huge douche-bag territory. Thankfully, she didn't notice me watching.

The worst part was that she was pretty cute and I toyed with the idea of asking her out. In the end my natural inclination towards being a weenie won out. Though I told myself it was excusable only because I had no way of knowing if she was married or not.

I got fifteen dollars to spend on music from the iTunes store. I still don't know how to work that thing, but I have had a brilliant idea. I will use this as an opportunity to expand my musical horizons!

Everybody gets to tell me one song to purchase. Ideally it will be a song that I will like and that will make me a more rounded connoisseur of music. You only get to suggest one song, though.

Also, only the first fifteen people. Since only two people visit this blog and only one of them can read I don't think this will be a problem.

Joshua: Oh man, I want to make an analogy right now that would be super awesome but I'd have to use a really bad swear.

Andrew: What does it start with?

Joshua: F.

Andrew: Okay ... what does it end with?

Joshua: Ucking.

Andrew: Yeah, you should probably skip that one.

This is my Christmas list:

• Sweaters and sweater vests.
• Red socks.
• DVDs featuring Darkwing Duck.
• Books by, for, or about zombies.
• This piece of artwork.
  
• Andrew's iPod. (Please don't misunderstand, if you get me any old iPod I will politely return it. I want you to steal Andrew's iPod from him and give it to me.)

I would say that this list outs me as an old man who enjoys things that ought to properly only be enjoyed by little boys. I ... I'm just boring and immature guys. Nothing illegal abut that?

Remember that the best hugs and most sincere thank yous are reserved for handmade items. So get started making that Darkwing Duck DVD now since that might take a while. Dollar store purchases are a close second.

Hey everybody! What it do?

Here is another new game that pleases me very much. Mostly because I so often find myself accidentally playing. Shall I explain how to play? I think I shall.

1. Wait for somebody to ask you a question.
2. Consider their question carefully.
3. Answer another unrelated question.
4. Repeat.

This works best in noisy environments, but it is easy to pretend like you misheard regardless of the ambient noise level.

Maybe you are asking how this game can possibly be fun? Well, last week in my weight lifting class a random tool said the following to the only girl in my weight lifting class: "I wish there were more girls in this class. Girls are so nice." I had to move away and get a drink of water so that my laughter wouldn't be obvious.

Link: Who would like to help me make a Pacman footrest?

Okay. This is the game. I came up with it while I was walking down a crowded corridor at school. I shall explain how to play.

1. Walk down a crowded corridor.
2. Glare angrily into the middle distance.
3. No, but really, you have to look like you are SUPER mad.
4. Maybe mutter a little bit like you are cheezed off about to kill a person.
5. Try not to laugh when you pass a person going the other way.

Oh man! I feel like I should put in something about how to win, but even if you don't complete step five you still win. Guys, I don't know why it is so fun to make complete strangers think that you are off to off a person, but it totally is.

I found the following in a text file labeled "Idiocy" on my USB drive. I guess I wasn't feeling too keen on studying for a history exam.

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Joshua Lutes
22 May 2008
An Inverted Look at History?
As we analyze the upcoming elections and realize that they are full of bunk, we can't help but be concerned with what is said about us on the internet.

Here we go again. notes
The Assyrians were adept at making their enemies get their butts kicked.
Ugaritic prophecies don't make any sense whatsoever and I am going to try to stop this right now.

There are many amazing things that we can learn from the Greeks:
1. They suck.
2. If they hadn't sucked so much they still would have sucked.
3. Greeks were bad at many things and as far as we can tell the only thing that they didn't suck at was sucking. They sucked long and they sucked hard.

Now we turn our erudite attention to the Persians:
1. They also sucked.
2. The Persians were really good at pissing the Greeks off because they were always getting on the Greeks territory.
3. The Greeks territory was, of course, their ability to suck long and hard, much like a vacuum cleaner or Matt Damon.

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To be fair, Matt Damon doesn't really suck all that long or hard.