Sorry, past Joshuas.

Being an adult is pretty much a bajillion times better than being a kid.

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Dinorama.

I wanted to make a dinosaur puzzle but that seemed too boring.  So I thought to myself, what is more interesting than a dinosaur?  Clearly the answer is dinosaur bones.

I was pretty pleased with the shape of the bones.  Almost all of them are actual, interlocking puzzle pieces.  Pretty astounding when you consider the fact that they are also absolutely accurate portrayals of the shape, position and number of bones a real dinosaur has.

There are the standard speckles (which, by the way, I still love) and also, new this time, are some striped puzzle pieces.  I cut strips out of a piece of paper and laid it over some of the puzzle pieces for a second round of spraying.  There are some oranger pieces that got double striped like plaid.  I think they look alright even if they don’t exactly look like plaid.

This puzzle has eighty-six pieces!  Thirty-two bones and fifty-four dirts.  It took Mallory and me an hour and forty-five minutes to put together!  Mallory didn’t know how it would look when put together so that sort of handicapped her.  I am pretty sure that if we tried again we could do it much more quickly.

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Getting to hope you like me.

This is a game you can play when you are getting to know people!

When you are doing ice breakers and everyone is saying their name and something about themselves, you tell your true name but, get this, you make up something about yourself!  It isn’t, however, sufficient to simply lie.  You have to actually make it up!  This means that you need to use English that nobody has ever heard before.

“My name is Joshua and I am looking forward to going rock skriving this weekend.”

See what I did there?  Notice how not only is “rock skriving” an activity to which I am not looking forward this weekend, it isn’t even a real activity!  In fact, folks, if you’ve been keeping track at home, a full fifty percent of those words aren’t even words!

Anyway, this is the hook.  In itself, pretty amusing, but really what you hope is that somebody will take the hook into their stupid mouth and askingly chomp on it with a puzzled, “What is rock skriving?”  NOW comes the real fun!  NOW you get to describe the made up activity without actually, and this is important, without actually describing the activity!

“Rock skriving is … you haven’t heard of … rock skriving?  Really?  Okay, well rock skriving is … you’ve got to get like ten or twenty rocks and then … maybe as many as thirty rocks.  Yeah, you get thirty rocks and then you … ah … well you sort of … skrive them.  Um … all at once or … or I guess you could skrive them individually but … skrive?  You don’t … you … okay … well, skriving is … um … you know where you have the rocks and you [gesturing ambiguously with your hands] you sort of just skrive … Have you every seen a person bowling with a really small bowling ball?  Yes … well actually no it isn’t anything at all like that … listen I think you pretty much have to see it but yeah it is great.”

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Comedy.

Four years ago Ashleigh and I were taking a walk in Provo and we passed by a house into which I could see and in which I saw a picture of Jesus Christ.  Together we hit on the idea of going to the homes of latter-day saints and telling them that we would like to convert them to Mormonism.  We built up our door approach.  When they responded that they already were Mormons we would act surprised and say, “Oh sorry. But if you are Mormons, why do you have pictures of Christ?”

This is why I love talking to my little sister.  One of us will have a stupid idea and then we will keep adding details and making it more and more ridiculous.  This is great fun and this is what you should learn to do to the end that I may more fully enjoy my time in your presence.

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Animal crackers in my soup.

When somebody is an ass for an hour and a half and at the end tries to excuse their boorish behavior by making a bad joke, the correct response is to laugh.  Really really laugh.  Laugh like a maniac.  Laugh like what they’ve said is the funniest thing you’ve ever heard.  Laugh for at least thirty seconds.

When you are done laughing, lean forward and merrily confide in a conspiratorial stage whisper, “I was going to follow you outside and use my pocket knife to slit open your throat but I can’t in good conscience deprive the world of such a delightful bastard!”  Be sure to smile as you walk away.

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