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Make like a tree and.

Splits. More specifically, the splits. Quite possibly the sexiest gymnastics move possible. Why is it so sexy? Gosh, who can tell. Maybe because it is the ultimate sign of flexibility? And everyone knows that being flexible is super sexy. Seriously, everybody knows this. And since flexible equals sexy and the splits equals flexible we know by the law of transitivity that the splits equals sexy.

ALSO sexy, incidentally, is maths. That is just a side note but a possibly useful one so remember it.

Anyway, I realized recently that doing the splits is a great way to get attention. I am all about attention.

I have decided that I want to do the splits. This led me to do some splits research into the splits. I have also decided that I am not going to be ridiculous about it like certain people.

I can hear you now. But these are all photographs of ladies, Joshua! You are a man. Can men do the splits?

Uh, yeah.

That would be most unrealistic case scenario. Best case scenario has me looking something more along the following lines in a few months.

HOLY COW is that dude sexy or what? Ladies I hope you held onto your … um … sexy meters? Because they are probably going off the charts or something now? That dude is pretty amazing, right? Someday. I’ve chronicled my best effort at doing the splits here for future generations.

I am optimistic that someday I will be able to comfortably touch groin to ground in a full splits. Just like my hero. Whoever that dude in the speedos is. I doubt that my nipples will ever be as glorious as his. OH WELL.


  1. Elizabeth wrote:

    Rylee thinks that all those people are good spliters. She thinks that when she is the last guys age, not you, then she will be a good spliter. I think you need a lot of work before you can get to the ground. Holy moly you are lacking the flexibility gene for sure. i have faith that you can do it though. I am looking forward to seeing the end results.

    Saturday, February 4, 2012 at 9:19 pm | Permalink
  2. Raymond wrote:

    You bought those shorts JUST for this didn’t you. Go ahead and work out a pun about how the angle your legs form is “supplementary” to something.

    Sunday, February 5, 2012 at 11:10 am | Permalink
  3. Heather wrote:

    Oh No!!! Give us some warning!

    Sunday, February 5, 2012 at 9:43 pm | Permalink
  4. Joshua wrote:

    I need to work so hard to be flexible. Those shorts are actually my swim suit. I bought them JUST for looking super sexy so YES. YOU ARE RIGHT.

    HA HA HA! Get used to it Heather! Every day at the beach this summer!

    Sunday, February 5, 2012 at 10:13 pm | Permalink
  5. Raymond wrote:

    I think the flexibility/sexiness correlation stems from metaphorical rather than physical contortion; in the context of interpersonal relationship it means “adaptable” or “tolerant” which boils down to “willing to put up with my BS”. Is there a greater trait in a partner?

    Monday, February 6, 2012 at 10:30 am | Permalink
  6. Andrew wrote:

    Quick! Kill it before it lays eggs!

    Monday, February 6, 2012 at 7:53 pm | Permalink
  7. Heather wrote:

    Andrew that is funny!

    Wednesday, February 8, 2012 at 9:09 pm | Permalink
  8. Ashers wrote:

    My eyes…they hurt so badly.

    Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 3:23 am | Permalink

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