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Feel free to pass gas at any time.

I have come up with a solution to the centuries long battle between the feminist desire to have men recognize their ability to do whatever they please and their desire to have men do whatever they please for them. It is so simple that the Nobel prize awarding committee is sure to give me nothing since recognition of my awe-inspiring achievement is bound to cause them shame enough to mortally wound a Japanese man.

The answer is to force men to continue to be gallant and to make women take an action equal and opposite to the men’s gallantry just so that we don’t forget that they can.

An example is in order:

A man and a woman have engaged in a date. The man walks the woman to his vehicle. A PROBLEM! Gallantry requires the man to open the door for the lady. Feminist empowerment requires the woman to open the door herself because she darn well can and no man is going to make her feel like toy doll. What the devil are they to do? If you understood the answer given previously, you already know the solution to this vexing problem and are gasping at the obviousness of it.

Men will, of course, continue to open doors for women. Women must now close doors for men. this means that our man would open the door for our woman, then walk to his side of the car and open his door and enter the car. The woman would now close the man’s door, walk around to her side of the car, enter and, finally, shut it.

Try your understanding of my new principle by considering these hairy problems: Men must give women their seats. Men must put the toilet seat down. Men must allow women to exit a doomed vessel first. Men must not swear in front of women. Men must endeavor to detain any zombies that are following women.

Chivalry is no longer dead and the feminist movement has one less complaint to shrilly voice. Send your thanks in edible format.

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