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Things you shouldn’t be knowing.


Toadlings are, if we may be permitted the luxury of freely speaking our mind, probably the most disgustingly awesome creatures in existence. Part toad, part something else, they dominate the pond ecosystem usually by speaking loudly and rapidly about things that most others can only comfortably speak quietly and slowly about. Favored topics include, but are by no means limited to, politics, anatomy, sex, Dungeons & Dragons and other ridiculously complicated things. It varies from pond to pond.

What of the physical attributes of a toadling? Imagine a toad. Now, imagine that that toad is wearing a shirt. It could be a polo-shirt, could be a t-shirt. Now imagine it with its mouth open. That is a toadling. Hideously amazing, right?

A toadling’s only happiness comes in pleasing his mate. That is, unfortunately for the toadling, impossible because they always choose the most irascible mate possible. Most usually a twig or scrap of fabric that really ought to be thrown away. Twigs and scraps of fabric are notoriously hard to please you see, and that is why toadlings are never happy. I really wish it were otherwise too. Because, you see, the only thing uglier than a happy toadling is an unhappy one.

Sometimes they rap too.

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