Clabby 2.

In today’s installment Clabby uses some off color language. It is pretty adorable.

Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Clabby.

You’ll have to click to see more.

Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Affixiation.

English has plenty of suffixes and prefixes and, of course, we’re all familiar with them.  At the very least, we use them all the time.  A prefix comes before a word (like undo, or inspirational) and a suffix comes after a word (as in hotness, or cheeseburger).  Boring, right?

Here is something cool though: English also has infixes!  These don’t come before the word, or after it, but right in its squishy-ishy middle.  Awesome!  This is a language construct that we should tizotally be using all the blizooming tizime.

Suppose you are interested in getting in on the infix action, what is a simple way to do it?  Just add a two syllable expletive to the middle of a word!  For example, if someone were to ask you if you would like some more cheese with your whine, you could pithily reply, “Abso-freakin-lutely!”  Or, if a person wanted to know what time it was you could befuddlingly tell them, “The taste of watermelon is fan-flippin-tastic!”

I’m sorry that all of my examples include lame euphemisms for the F word.  I suppose if you were a Britisher you could say something like, “I have a great desire to sink my mal-bleedin-formed teeth into some del-wankin-icious crumpets.”  So proper!

Now you can infix to your heart’s content!  People will think you terribly edumacated.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

In which I feel like a creep.

I was chitchatting with a friend a while back and we talked about proper attire for ladies in the gym at BYU.  I told her about a girl at the gym that wore a shirt with a huge neck that kept slipping off of one or the other of her shoulders and how it made me laugh because it seemed like her purpose in going to the gym was to distract boys.  Even though I laughed at her it was annoying because she was distracting.  I told my friend that I think it pretty ridiculous for lady folk (okay, mostly but not exclusively lady folk) to be traipsing about in skin-tight and revealing clothing just because they are going to the gym.

She asked me why I find it so distracting and whose fault that was.  This is where I felt like a creep.  Maybe these girls were just going to the gym to work out and they were just wearing clothes that were comfortable and fit the activity best.  She told me that form-fitting clothing makes it easier to move freely and perform at your best.  And here I am leering at these poor girls like some kind of pervert, lusting after their bodies when all they want to do is work out the best they can.  Sickening.

Okay.  I’m not leering at them and I’m not lusting after them.  I’m just being distracted by them.  This doesn’t make me a creepster, right?  My wishing that they would cover their bodies a little bit more is just to make it easier for me to work out without having my desire to procreate continuously piqued.  I think I find it so distracting because I am  a man and I am attracted to women.  I am pretty sure that the distraction would be removed completely were that not so.  I’m glad for the attraction though and the distraction is a natural manifestation, not a disgusting perversion.

As to whose fault that is … I guess we could blame God for making men and women want to reproduce?  That doesn’t seem terribly productive though.  I think probably the blame goes to the girl for wearing skimpy clothing.  Does this make her bad?  I can’t judge her motivation, but probably not.  Everybody wants attention, and even if she is wearing ridiculous outfits in order to get attention and not in order to work out more efficiently that doesn’t make her wicked.  I might suggest to her that while she is certianly not destined for hellfire, perhaps she is destined to be the recipient of the wrong sort of attention.  That might be a problem eventually.

What of the claim that skimpier or more form fitting outfits really are best for performance?  Judging by the disparity in workout clothing for men and women, I’m not convinced.  I did a Google search for “men’s Olympic beach volleyball” and specified “-women -girls” and still got mostly images of female Olympians in bikinis.  The few photographs of men show that they wear considerably more than their female counterparts.  If wearing less really were that beneficial, wouldn’t the men be wearing less too?  Probably there’s another motivation for the difference in outfits and probably that motivation has something to do with sex selling and women being used for their bodies.

I really hate that.  I also really hate that a side effect of that is women being made to feel that they need an impossible, “perfect” body and that they aren’t worth anything unless they’ve got it.  In reality a woman’s worth is intrinsicnot determined by her body shape.  So, in conclusion, I guess, love and value yourself, and don’t believe the lies of the world.  Also, maybe if you have time, stop distracting me at the gym.  Sheesh.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Sheepdog.

I’ve discovered a new game!

To play you need to be walking in a corridor, or something like a corridor.  You don’t need walls along the corridor as long as there is something else that blocks people from going off of it like a street or even grass.  The corridor also can’t be too crowded.  Finally, you need people to be walking towards you.  We will call them sheep.

Okay, identify someone that is walking towards you and position yourself so that if somebody doesn’t shift their heading you will run into each other.  Guess what, the sheep will shift!  In fact, they will move to not run into you from quite a distance!  This is probably because most people aren’t sociopathic jerks.  Their loss!

Fun variations:

  1. Move out just far enough away from the corridor wall that the person will reasonably expect that if anybody is to shift their position it will have to be you, then see how close you can get to them before they finally move out.
  2. Play with friends and stagger yourselves so that the sheep has to move quite a distance.
  3. Force groups of sheep to split into as many subgroups as possible.  For example, if you have two sheepdogs and there are three sheep, split them into three groups.
  4. Mirror the sheep’s movement and see how long you can continue to ape them (once you get face to face you can start counting false starts as points).  Extra points if you say something dorky about dancing.
Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments