Lelanophilus

I found the following in a text file labeled “Idiocy” on my USB drive. I guess I wasn’t feeling too keen on studying for a history exam.

Joshua Lutes
22 May 2008
An Inverted Look at History?
As we analyze the upcoming elections and realize that they are full of bunk, we can’t help but be concerned with what is said about us on the internet.

Here we go again. notes
The Assyrians were adept at making their enemies get their butts kicked.
Ugaritic prophecies don’t make any sense whatsoever and I am going to try to stop this right now.

There are many amazing things that we can learn from the Greeks:
1. They suck.
2. If they hadn’t sucked so much they still would have sucked.
3. Greeks were bad at many things and as far as we can tell the only thing that they didn’t suck at was sucking. They sucked long and they sucked hard.

Now we turn our erudite attention to the Persians:
1. They also sucked.
2. The Persians were really good at pissing the Greeks off because they were always getting on the Greeks territory.
3. The Greeks territory was, of course, their ability to suck long and hard, much like a vacuum cleaner or Matt Damon.

To be fair, Matt Damon doesn’t really suck all that long or hard.