Lelanophilus

Have you, perchance, been wondering about toads? That is great if you have because really they are most fascinating creatures. I would be so bold as to say the most fascinating creatures but there are a lot of them and I hate to generalize from the few hundred or so that I have known intimately. I like to stay away from stereotypes even if they are positive because even things that I see as positive others may see as negative. For example, laundromat owners dislike the notion that they are all good at math. I guess it puts undesirable pressure on them?

Anyways, the point actually was that if you are wondering about toads then you have come to a great place because I too have been wondering about toads and since I am too lazy to do any actual research on the subject I am going to draw from common knowledge to present you with fascinating facts. (See what I did there with the alliteration? It is a literary technique is all.)

Fact: Toads have skin that is all bumpy.
This is absolutely true and it is surprising how many people seem to think that it is not. Perhaps it is because of the prevalent myth that toads have warts and are capable of giving them to you associated with this fact that it has drawn such widespread disbelief. The bumps are not warts and toads will not give you warts. They can give you AIDS though so watch out where you store them.

Fact: A boy toad can turn into a girl toad.
It has not been scientifically proven whether they can successfully change back. They have this ability because toads are descended from dinosaurs. Dinosaurs are horrible creatures notorious for their being wiped out by a fiery holocaust for being transvestites and stuff. Fortunately not all toads have opted for this unnatural sex change or we’d be experiencing horrible, horrible deaths from natural disasters and the like.

Fact: Toads can sing.
Not very well, admittedly, but I’m betting that most of you can’t sing all that great either so lay off the toads okay? They don’t even got any ears so what are they supposed to do? Sheesh.

Fact: Toads have ears.
Just kidding. Of course they don’t. Otherwise their singing might not sound so much like Patrick Stump.

Okay. So that is a lot of facts to chew on. You might try reading them over and over again until you know them by heart and can recite them to the toady overlords that will eventually be taking over the earth in, oh, about nine years three months and four days or so in order to curry favor and choicer meats from the dead carcasses of your fellow human beings.

It just isn’t so easy being pink